WHEN LUST OVERWHELMS LOVE

Dear Believer,

Let’s consider this:

A man leaves a very beautiful and dutiful wife and family at home and goes after another woman outside for sex. (Sometimes it is the woman who does that). Yes, it is an act of betrayal and totally reprehensible, but we need to understand the factors at play here.

People generally believe that when a man does that kind of a thing, he doesn’t love his wife.

No. Many men and women who indulge in infidelity love their spouse.

I know some people will say, “No, if he loved her, he wouldn’t cheat on her.”

It’s more complicated than that, really.

The reality of life is, it is possible to love a woman and still cheat on her. It is possible to love a man and still betray him that way.

We are counseled to stick to our spouse and not allow lust for another person to grow in us at all. Here’s what the Bible says:

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth – a loving doe, a graceful deer; may her breasts satisfy you at all times, may you be captivated by her love always. But why should you be captivated, my son, by an adulteress, and embrace the bosom of a different woman? (Proverbs 5:18-20).

Let’s get this right. No matter how much you love your spouse, you can still hurt them if you don’t deal with some negative things lurking in your heart. 

What I am saying is this: it is very possible to have love in your heart for someone and still have lust in you for someone else. When the force of lust counterbalances the force of love, a moral crisis ensues.

This is the way it works: a man who loves his wife but still allows lust to grow in him will eventually do something against that love.

What I am saying is this: it is very possible to have love in your heart for someone and still have lust in you for someone else. When the force of lust counterbalances the force of love, a moral crisis ensues.

There are men who love their wife but still feed their minds regularly on the rotten meals of pornography. They will do anything to defend the integrity of their home, but are also lusting after other people outside.
If you continue this way, it gets to a point that the force of lust outweighs the power of love in you. You then do something that seriously hurt your spouse, your home and your children.

Who you are doesn’t matter: pastor, politician, teacher, mother, whoever; if you on one hand nurture love for your spouse, and on the other hand allow lust for someone else to grow, it’s only a matter of time before the whole thing blows up in your face.

Dear friend, it is not enough to love your husband or wife; you must also deal with the power of lust. Do away with anything that feeds lust. Uproot lust and don’t let it grow. It is always a threat to love.

In 1Corinthians chapter 13, we read a lot that love is and love is not. Love will not cheat, but lust will. Love will not be selfish, but lust will. So as you build love, make sure you kill lust.

When one spouse hurts the other, and the one that’s hurt says, “Oh, I now know you don’t love me,” that is not true in many cases. What often happens is that the offending party has allowed the negative force of lust, or unforgiveness, or greed to overwhelm the power of love in them.

To further illustrate this, we see in the Bible as Jesus would rebuke His disciples when they disappointed Him. When they couldn’t cast out a demon and they asked Him why, He told them, “Because of your unbelief.” (Matthew 17:19-20).

He didn’t say they lacked faith since it was their faith that made them attempt to cast out the demon in the first place. It wasn’t even their first time of doing such, and they were successful in their former attempts. But in this case, their unbelief had outweighed their faith and rendered it impotent.

So, in that case, they had both faith and unbelief as conflicting forces in them. Since they couldn’t eliminate their unbelief, their faith was useless.

The same way, when a person does not eliminate the force of lust, love may be overwhelmed as lust takes the ascendancy.

Again I say, Believer, as you grow in love, make sure you kill lust. It must not have dominion over you.

Have a beautiful day.

Your friend,
Deon.