“IT AIN’T THE FEELING…”

 Dear Believer,

In a few days time my marriage will be twenty years. This is one of the things that make this year 2020 a unique one for me.

Twenty years of being with the only woman with whom I’ve ever been romantically connected; of challenges that were overcome and of some still to be; of many victories sometimes snatched from the jaws of defeat. Twenty years of testimonies!

I thought about this and decided to emphasize a truth I was privileged to have grasped since the very beginning. Let me share it with you today in the words which God Himself used.

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31:3.

The love for a spouse is romantic. It is very full of feelings. But what many fail to realize from the onset is that love is also a decision.

Once at a university in North America I saw a couple sitting under a tree totally oblivious of anything else except each other. The connection between them was so strong. They held each other’s hands and looked into each other’s eyes, giggling like teenagers.

I was so fascinated that I went close to them to ask what the secret of their bond was. And why should that be my business? You will know soon enough.

“We’ve been married for 59 years!” said the man.

You can now see why I was fascinated? It showed at a glance that these two had been married for a relatively long time. They were not only old, but the woman was in a wheelchair while the man depended on a walking stick to stand somewhat erect. 

Some young people who decide to divorce their spouse today say things like, ‘I don’t love her anymore.’ By that they mean, I don’t have those feelings, the tingling, as often as I used to. That has always been the only definition of love they know.

“How can you still love each other so, after almost 60 years,” I asked the happy couple.

They looked at each other and laughed again. And as if it was rehearsed beforehand, they both said simultaneously, “We decided! ”

The old man said further with a beautiful Southern accent, “It ain’t the feeling – that ain’t always there. It ain’t the stuff, those ain’t satisfying. It’s the decision.”

Then the beautiful old woman who had some hearing loss and had cocked her ear to hear us well chipped in, “We decided. Love’s a decision.”

I’m not sure I could have ever framed it that way. But that is what the passage above really says.

God says “I have loved you with an everlasting love, and I drew you to myself with LOVINGKINDNESS.” God bound himself eternally to His people in spite of their faults. It was a decision.

Some marriages crash after a few weeks, or a few years. This happens because one or both of the married parties didn’t know the power of decision.

To sacrifice for the happiness of your spouse is a decision you will decide to or not to make. Until some positive decisions are made, there is no form in marital love. It is still just mere fantasy.

A man may solemnly decide, with the help of God, to ever respect his wife and never to physically or verbally abuse her. A woman may decide never to disrespect her husband and to always make him feel like a king. When things threaten to go out of hand, our commitment to our decisions helps us to stay strong.

Love is a decision. It is also a commitment.

I am committed to love my wife no matter what. “It ain’t the feeling; that ain’t always there.”

Some young people who decide to divorce their spouse today say things like, ‘I don’t love her anymore.’ By that they mean, I don’t have those feelings, the tingling, as often as I used to. That has always been the only definition of love they know.

You may love who you want, to start with, but you have to decide to love everlastingly. To love is a decision. To love is a commitment.

I’m not speaking as an expert, I’m sharing today what I learnt from two Americans who had been married for almost sixty years.

Let me pray with you.

If you are married, I pray the Lord to grant you peace and flood your heart and the heart of your spouse with the power to love with a strong decision; to overcome any form of weakness and live together with an everlasting love that God gives. If you wish to marry someday, I pray that the Lord connect you to a spouse that will be strong enough at heart to decide to love you with a love that doesn’t only include feelings, but also transcend feelings, and that you be such a spouse to that person, too, in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Your friend,
Deon.
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For further studies read Jeremiah chapter 31.